IBD and Sex

Everyone’s experience with IBD and sex is going to be different.  This information will clear up some questions or concerns you may have about IBD and sex.

We hope to make you feel more comfortable with IBD and sex, and show that your disease shouldn’t affect your sex life!

We will discuss

• Common experiences with IBD and sex

 

• IBD complications and sex

 

• Casual sex and IBD

 

• How to communicate effectively

 

• My experience with IBD and sex

 

Common Experiences with IBD and Sex

 

If you have IBD, you may be concerned about how IBD will affect your sex life.  The truth is that it may, or may not affect your sexual experiences.  It depends on your individual situation and personality.

Body image issues are common among all people, with or without IBD.  People with IBD may have extra concerns about how their body looks.  And how their body differs from those that do not have IBD.

Patients with IBD often experience pain during an IBD flare.  This pain is generally in the lower abdominal area.  If you are a female, you may experience that penetration can irritate this painful area. 

Another common symptom of IBD is fatigue.  If you are experiencing fatigue, or just feel generally unwell.  You may not feel up for sex.  Remember to listen to, and respect your body’s desires. 

In any situation consent and communication are of the utmost importance.  Do not agree to anything that you are not 100% comfortable with.  Communicate with your partner about your needs.  Be as open as you can about anything that may be different, or sexual needs that are specific to you.

 

IBD Complications and Sex

 

Complications of IBD are an unfortunate side effect of living with IBD.  These can include fistulas, stomas, and colostomy bags.

But with a bit of knowledge, confidence, and practice.  You will still be able to enjoy sexual experiences.

A fistula can cause constant leaking from the bowel.  It may cause some embarrassment or discomfort when having a sexual relationship.  Your partner may, or may not notice that you have a fistula, depending on your individual case.

Having a stoma, or colostomy bag may cause some issues with sex.  But it does prevent your ability to have, and enjoy sexual experiences.

Giving some background information on your disease can help explain your situation.  If your date understands the dire situation you were in when you got the bag.  They may be more receptive to understanding and supporting your disease journey.

If you have had surgery as a result of IBD.  Remember to always ask your doctor, when it will be safe for you to have sex again.

Like all topics related to sex, let your own feelings guide you

Casual Sex and IBD

Many people will enjoy casual sex at some point in their lives.  If you have IBD you may be worried that IBD could affect your casual sexual relationships.

If you are hoping to have casual sex, there may, or may not be things you will want to consider beforehand.

Most importantly, you want to make sure that you are always using a condom to protect against any STIs.  IBD can be difficult enough to manage on its own.  You wouldn’t want to add the extra complication of having to deal with IBD and an STI at the same time.

If you are experiencing any complications of IBD, such as a fistula, stoma, or colostomy bag. You may want to discuss them with your casual sexual partner beforehand.  To make you both feel more comfortable.

If you are having a casual relationship, that you hope grows into something more.  You will need to determine when you are going to discuss your IBD diagnosis with the new partner.

Personally I would share this information on the second or third date.  I would feel that if I share on the first date, it may affect my date’s idea of me as a person.

But I would not want to withhold the information for too long.  As having IBD is a big part of my life.  And I need to make sure that any potential partner is going to be supportive.

How to Communicate Effectively

 

If you have IBD and want to have sex, then learning how to communicate your individual needs is important.

The most important step is to be clear, and concise with your needs.  Let your partner know what to expect, and what you are expecting.  And how your body may, or may not differ from others.

If you are going to share any of your IBD history.  Do not feel embarrassed.  Make sure you are comfortable with what you are saying.  And assert yourself as in control of your own body.

Explaining some of your disease history may make a partner understand more about you.  Being as open as you can, can clear up any unknowns.  And helps both partners be better prepared for IBD and sex.

 

My Experience with IBD and Sex

 

When I am having an IBD flare, I do not really enjoy penetration.  I find that it hurts my already inflamed abdominal area.  I generally do not have much sex when my IBD is in a full on flare.

From 2020-2022 I had a fistula that leaked a smelly, green infection from a hole near my anus.  If I was casually dating, I would have felt self conscious about the fistula.  In this case I would have mentioned the fistula to any casual sexual partner I may have.

In my case my partner of eight years has always been supportive.  He has never been grossed out by my fistula.  I know that it’s helpful that he knows my whole disease history.  He was there for the abscess surgery, and fistula diagnosis.

I know that my partner misses having sex when I am in a flare.  But he is supportive, and does not want to hurt me.  He never pressures me to do anything that I am not comfortable with.

When I am in remission, IBD does not affect my sex life at all.  I even find that I want to have more sex, because it is something that I missed while in a flare.

 

Everyone with IBD will have to make their own assessments about how to manage IBD and sex.  As this is a very personal topic.

If you find sex painful, or unenjoyable.  Find other ways to experience intimacy.  Such as physical touch, oral sex, or focusing on emotional intimacy.

Remember that communication and consent are the most important things.  Never do anything that you are not 100% comfortable with. 

And never feel embarrassed about having IBD.  You may find that being as open as possible about IBD, may help you feel more comfortable with IBD and sex.